Monday, February 28, 2011

Who will end up together?

Since I've come out I've made quite a few gay friends and over the last few months I have distanced myself quite a bit from socializing as frequently as I was.  And while I've had more time away from the group, I have watched the dynamics of relationships change within the circle and many times it's been hard for me to bite my tongue.  I like everyone to be treated with respect and when that doesn't happen, and no one else is willing to call someone out it is especially annoying to me.  But I've tried to mind my business.

At times I look at friends and wonder whether or not I could date them, or ultimately end up in a long term relationship with any of them.  I think it's probably a natural thing to do... and if not I like to think it's cause I'm lonely and not cause I'm creepy.  Ha!

Anyway I've come to identify a couple of friends I think would ultimately make a great couple, but one is dating someone else.  We'll see if perhaps maybe the two guys who will be sharing a room in Cuba this year, will end up as a couple a few years down the road.

And then there are two couples that have very happy and healthy relationships, at least from the outside.  These men give me hope that it's possible to find someone who can complete me and that I don't have to settle.  But again, I wonder whether or not those two couples will stand the test of time.  Or will life change them and distance may make them seek other paths?

Part of me wishes I could fast forward and find out.  And I'll be honest with myself and say that part of that wonder comes from the fact that I may have an interest in one member of each group... only a harmless crush that I would never act on, but perhaps I'm just allowing myself to hold out hope by wondering what the future holds.

Ah... the life of a single man with date-able friends.  

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

I'm off the market!

It's official.  After three plus weeks of being unemployed I have officially received a job offer and I can't quite wipe the smile off my face.

I had applied for a position of Financial Analyst in early to mid-January that had a closing date of January 20th.  I had given up hope that I had a shot since I had not heard anything but then almost two weeks ago I got a call about the position asking what my required salary range was.  We all know how I feel about that question!  I gave them my goal salary, which was above my ending salary at my last job and was told I was within their range and that someone would contact me the next week.  Then last Tuesday I got a call requesting an interview for Wednesday; I accepted and rushed home to re-read the posting to see what the duties would be.   I then decided to do a bit of company research and go thru a matching exercise between my achievements and their requirements trying to predict their questions.

Upon walking into the firm on Wednesday morning, looking pretty fly in my suit if I must say so myself, I was completely impressed.  This firm is beautiful and I felt a twinge of being out of my league but then shook my head and refocused.  I waited for the HR manager to arrive. She soon ushered me into a boardroom overlooking the water, where we were joined by the COO and the director of finance.  I decided to ignore their titles and just be myself.

I got thru the interview, asked a few questions and left the office convinced that this was the job I wanted.  I walked back to my car re-hashing the questions/responses and whether there was anything I would change... and other than potentially inserting some humor I was satisfied.  I told myself I would just stay positive and see what happens.

By this morning, I had actually given up hope since it's been almost a week.  But then, while playing a board game with William my phone rang and I recognized the phone number.  It was the HR manager seeking my references.  I emailed them over to her, and within a couple of hours I had confirmation from two of those references that they had spoken with her already.  I was trying to hold back excitement because I could still be up against other candidates.  And then my phone rang... I was officially being offered the position.  At my asking salary, with full benefits from day one.  I tried to hide my excitement and got thru the call making a few notes and awaited my formal offer to arrive via email.

So here I go... feeling slightly intimidated but excited for the challenge.  Monday will be day one!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Someone in my bed

Today I expected my Mom to come into the city, but with road conditions not being the best because of blowing snow, she decided to wait until tomorrow.  She's coming to the city for William's 6th birthday and will stay until Sunday.  I had mentally prepared myself for her arrival: planning on making Chicken stir-fry, heading to yoga in the afternoon and that we'd relax and watch tv in the evening.  Since the plan changed so did my day.  I had a nap in the afternoon, went birthday shopping, had leftovers for supper, studied most of the evening and took the 9pm hot yoga class.  I found myself avoiding staying home because with the change in plans I found myself very lonely.

It's funny how something as simple as that can change how I feel about my independence.  I'm used to living alone but sometimes it really gets to me.  And I often have the thought that I wish there was someone in my bed.  And not for any reason sexual, but just to snuggle into, or to hear breath, or to have unspoken companionship.  I guess I should dig out the body pillow and create a lump in the bed next to me.  Haha!

Thursday, February 10, 2011


Sidenote:  Wow... I've been away for a while now, eh?  It's funny how once you're unemployed you don't have enough time in the day to accomplish everything you want to.  How did I ever fit work in?

I'm in my second week of unemployment and this week I got a call for a staff accountant job position I had applied for in mid-January.  It's in the energy industry which should have a fairly good chance of being a stable industry so I accepted the offer for an interview.  And during the interview process two of the topics I hate to discuss during an interview came up: salary expectations and overtime.

The question of salary expectations came up during the initial phone call and again during the panel interview.  In both instances I gave them a dollar figure.  By giving them my expectation on the phone call I feel it already puts a limit on how well I can do during an interview, because they are already biased based on their budgetary constraints.  And then to ask again during the interview just confused me.  Were they hoping that I was going to change my mind?  Were they hoping I had been intimidated by some questions and the scope of the position so they hoped I would drop my expectation?  

The other question I hate is whether I'm willing to work overtime.  To me there is no option to how this question can be answered, and if I bombed the interview this would be the point.  I hesitated to answer for a moment and in watching faces I feel like this was not completely acceptable.  Now I am one who tries to leave work on time everyday, but I am a dedicated employee and if something has a deadline I will stay to meet that deadline.  But at the same time, I also have a life outside of work.  

Towards the end of the interview I brought overtime back up and explained that I wanted to discuss it further.  I explained that I have no issue working overtime at those times like month-end or year-end when deadlines are tight, but that if the job required overtime on a daily basis then this wasn't the position for me, because I am a dedicated father also.  The head of HR stepped in and explained their stance on work-life balance and that family is very important, but then she went on to explain a practice that is becoming all to familiar in Canada.

She told me that many woman, specifically, will take a laptop home with them and after they put their kids to bed they will work for an hour or two... Um, WHAT?  This is acceptable work-life balance?  I agree the flexibility to have a laptop to work from home is a great thing, but for it to be regular practice for someone to put their kids to bed and then go back to work is no work-life balance.  This is a clear sign that a company is understaffed.  Regular overtime is a sign of inefficiency or an unacceptable workload.

So now I'm at a crossroads in my mind.  I haven't received a second interview request yet, but they did ask for my references and whether I had any vacation plans in the next few months, which lean towards them considering me as a real candidate.  If I do get that call I'm going to have to ask some real questions to decide whether I will be a good fit for this company.  Or if maybe I continue in the process and if I attain the position work there until I can secure another job.

Oh this whole game causes the mind to race...