Friday, May 27, 2011

So I met a boy

So I've been single long enough that I've resorted to using technology to survey the guys in the area, in hopes of meeting someone of interest.  Now I say resorted, but I am not in the least bit desperate to meet someone.  I'm just finding it hard to meet people outside my current circles unless I'm drunk at a bar and I don't want someone to think I'm coming onto them in a sleezy way.

Anyway, I used an app on my phone and chat to guys here and there.  I figure it's a fairly safe forum.  Sure someone can steal my face pic, but when a creepy guy asks me my "position" I can easily end the conversation and if I choose block them.  

On Tuesday of this week I was staying late at work (until 11pm actually... I'm stubborn but that's another story) and I noticed a guy online that I've never seen locally before.  Handsome guy around 28 years old.  It was later in the evening, and again, being concerned about the perception they may have of me messaging that late at night I decided against saying hi.

Then Wednesday on my lunch break I was online and he was there again.  I debating saying hello but questioned what I would follow it up with, knowing nothing about the person.  I've got no game apparently.  Anyway, I didn't need to, it wasn't too long before he started chatting me up.  Initially with the... hey, how are you... what's up... where do you work.  Small, innocent chit chat.  Then he said... I've got to say you're probably one of the best looking guys on here.  I was kinda floored and surely had a big goofy grin across my face.  I thanked him and told him I thought he was handsome also.  And he said... I'm not usually this forward but would you like to hang out some evening this week.  

I debated, maybe 5 seconds, that perhaps he was only looking for sex, but my curiosity won over and I accepted and told him I had some plans but I would be free around 930 or 10pm.  Surprisingly that worked out well with his evening.  We agreed around 10 pm.

When the time came and I was ready to leave he asked where we should meet.  He was staying at a hotel downtown so I suggested meeting in Parade Square, since I wasn't comfortable with the hotel setting.  He agreed and off I drove.  I soon found myself standing in the centre of the square wondering if he'd really look like the person in the picture.  I was pleasantly surprised.  He was maybe a little shorter than I expected but handsome with a kind smile.

We decided to go to the Economy Shoe Shop for a drink and a bite to eat, since he hadn't had supper.  We found a spot on the patio, ordered a couple of Strongbows and artichoke dip.  And conversation flowed naturally.  We discussed career, family, travel and even past relationships.  It was absolutely relaxed and comfortable.  I found myself very conscious of my body cues of interest.  My body had naturally aligned to be directed towards him and I was sitting closer than I had started out.  And I'm pretty certain he was enjoying the night as much as I was.

Upon completing our second drink he suggest we take off.  He asked if I wanted to stop in to his room for a minute before heading home.  I did, unsure of his intentions and to be honest unsure if I had any of my own.  

Soon we were just casually laying on the bed next to each other watching CNN and talking.  It all felt remarkably comfortable.  And after a while he kissed me.  It was very sweet actually; not obscene in any way.  And other than some snuggling and him pretty much falling asleep against my chest, nothing happened.  

I got up to leave and on my way out gave him my phone number and told him I hoped he would use it the next day, because I'd like to see him again.  And he said he certainly would.  I walked down the hall wondering what just happened.  Cause I'm never one to be direct enough to let someone know my feelings from the start.

The next morning I got a great text and a facebook friend request.  Although we didn't get to see each other again, because he had an exam and interviews, before heading home to another province, he agreed that he would definitely see me again and was returning to Halifax in early June.

It's strange but I feel like there's something about this guy.  It could totally be that I'm ready for a relationship... but I believe it's more.  He's someone who is unlike any other gay guy I've met so far and I'm really hoping I get to see him again soon.

Up to you universe... work your magic!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Open Relationship

The longer I'm part of the open gay community I learn that it's very common for gay couples to have an open relationship.  There are varying degrees of openness... from completely open, to vacation open to third party open.  Now those aren't official titles to the types of relationships gay men can share, but more my own spin on things.

Completely open is where both men in the relationship allow each partner to have sexual encounters with whomever they choose.  Vacation open is where a couple (at least claims) to be monogamous except when on vacation out of their home town.  When on vacation the will either seek sexual rendezvous separately or together with complete strangers in a new pool of gay men.  And third party open is when a couple will welcome a third into their bedroom on a regular basis, but won't fool around with anyone else without the partner being present.  They don't consider any of these experiences as cheating.

The fact that it's so common worries me.  I'm not sure that I can be in a committed relationship when a third party would be involved to any degree.  I know my therapist told me that I need to accept the distinction between love and sex... and in the big picture I can easily do that.  I know that we don't love everyone we have sex with, but when I'm in a relationship I don't know that I could watch someone I love being so into someone else.  Surely, somewhere deep in the recesses of my mind a part of me will become jealous.  Jealous that I cannot provide whatever is lacking in my relationship or sex-life that is being fulfilled by this third person.

Maybe I'm completely wrong.  Maybe these men who partake in such relationships are light-years ahead socially and are able to compartmentalize experiences and just enjoy the excitement of the moment.  And this could be the secret to their success in maintaining a relationship in the long term... because it really is just sex.

I clearly have a lot to learn... but I've got lots of time to dig into my thoughts on it since I haven't even been on a date in ... I don't even remember how long.  But that is by choice... I've gotten a few offers.

Monday, May 16, 2011

I'd do just about anything right now...

It's true... I'd do just about anything right now to have someone to snuggle into bed with right now.  It's cold and I'm lonely.  If there was someone laying in bed right now I'd be asleep in seconds.

I'd do just about anything right now...

It's true... I'd do just about anything right now to have someone to snuggle into bed with right now.  It's cold and I'm lonely.  If there was someone laying in bed right now I'd be asleep in seconds.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Facebook crush is now a facebook friend

So I accepted the dares and sent a facebook friend request.  I waited until after Mother's day because I had a family vacation pic, from Mexico, and I didn't want him to flat out think I was straight.  Bahahaha... probably one of the first times in life I wanted someone's first impression of me to be a gay man.

So I posted this iPhone self-portrait...
 cause it's just an everyday pic of me really.

And within probably 12 hours I had a new friend.  To say that I instantly got a huge smile on my face was an understatement.  Not because I'm delusional and think that there's any sort of mutual attraction, but because the dare and subsequent risk paid off.

I emailed Jody and she gave me a few words of inspiration "You never know what might happen if you don't take a chance. We often don't regret the things we do, it's the things we don't that leave us wondering 'what if'"

And so I took a bit of time to draft an email that explained the reason he got my request... but without (hopefully) sounding psycho.  I left out the crush part.  And kind of asked him to look me up next time he's in town, in a passive way.

He replied almost instantly, thanking me for the explanation and telling me to let him know if I ever make it to Montreal.  And strangely, or maybe a little fate could be intervening, a couple of days ago my cousin asked me to drive with him to TO when he moves at the end of the month and we planned on staying in Montreal one night to live it up.  Now I guess I might get to at least have a coffee if he's not tied up.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Better book a camp site

In probably February or March William mentioned that he wanted to go camping.  It's something we had done at the end of the summer 2009 with my sister and some friends.  And we were even lucky enough to have my Mom and an Aunt swing by for an evening to enjoy supper and the camp fire.  

And being the Dad that I am, I decide sure, why not camp on a weekend my son wants to?  It may be winter but sometimes by just making a few adjustments you can make some great memories and that's exactly what I did.

While William was watching tv I went downstairs and grabbed the four man tent and a couple sleeping bags.  It was a VERY tight squeeze but I managed to set up a camp site in the living room and we made believe we were outdoors.  Even adjusting my nightly ritual to adjust a saying to suit our wilderness surroundings.  "Nighty night... don't let the black bear bite."  

William thought it was great and it really took no effort at all... and I have no doubt when he's a Dad some day he'll think back on that memory and realize that it's the little things that can have the biggest impact.

There was one residual part of that camping trip that has yet to go away and that's the sleeping bag.  William has slept in it every night he's stayed here since.  Sure he may, on occasion, slip off his bed onto the floor thru the night (which is very worrisome to me), but he's happy and he's still using him imagination to pretend he's camping.

This summer we'll have to make sure we get at least one weekend in...

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

What am I? A 15 year old girl?

It's that time of the year when animal instincts take over and people start hooking up like they're the only one in the world responsible for the survival of the species.  Around these parts two couples have broken up recently and from accounts of last Saturday night there was a lot of hook up activity going on in Halifax.  

Me on the other hand?  I'm like that 15 year old insecure girl.  I spent my weekend with a sick little boy at home watching reality television and checking out homes on MLS, trying to keep my financial goals in check.  Oh right, the 15 year old girl part... I've become the expert at having facebook crushes.  And my favorite are those guys who leave albums open so I can get multiple looks at friends of friends... or even just friends in one case.  

Anyway, today, while checking out the guest list of an upcoming gathering (that one of the recently broken up gents is throwing Friday night) I noticed one person has declined the event.  Since he was cute I decided to check out his profile.  Turns out that I quasi know this guy.  Well in reality I don't know him at all, but we have multiple friends in common, and he attended a rival high school.  And oddly enough, a couple of summers ago, while partying in Montreal with a cousin and some friends I saw him at a gay bar.  We had one of those awkward moments where you lock eyes and realize you recognize each other but not sure where.  And being that 15 year old girl, I'd never be brave enough to have said hello.

And in order to emphasize my immaturity, I emailed a common friend, who lives in London, England to confirm he went to that rival high school and she actually encouraged me to contact him... which I would never do.  Instead I'll just check out his profile pics a few more times over the next week and try and move on.  Hahahahaha.

That being said, if your name is Andrew and you some how found this blog, please contact me... I'm all over having a conversation.