It Gets Better Project

There are some sad statistics recently involving teenagers and children who have committed suicide recently due to being bullied for being gay and there has been a lot of media attention given to these lives.  And these are only the few that we have heard about.  Dan Savage, of Savage Love, has stepped up and created the It Gets Better Project where individuals are invited to use the power of youtube to share a story of survival and provide some inspiration to those struggling with surviving another day, to keep pushing forward and become the happy and healthy adults these kids deserve to be.

I'm 33 and I still struggle with my sexuality and being open about it with everyone in my life.  In fact, I was even hesitant to post this entry because I don't even know the scope of who reads this blog or what their stance may be on sexuality.  But then I think about the long road I took to get to where I am today and realize that I need to post this entry because the message is bigger than me.  I'm not one who really wants to label myself but I'm gay and that's okay.

I haven't decided yet whether or not I will post a video to youtube but I thought I would share the fact that I realize why these teenagers feel like they are at a low place that they cannot climb out of.  I have been bullied about my sexuality as far back as early elementary.  I remember times throughout school, even into grade 11 where I have had someone ask me if I was a girl.  I have never looked much like a girl; I have never worn my hair long but that question has always hurt.  I have endured jerks spitting on my locker.  I have been called the worst names and I even wonder if part of why my father and I never got along was because he thought I was gay.  But the ultimate act, which still kind of haunts me to this day, was when I was in high school and riding the bus home.  I was already insecure enough, but this particular day some guys a year ahead of me stood up, just before getting off at their stop to make sure the majority of the bus was their audience.  And they announced that they had made me something in woodshop.  It was a piece of wood in the shape of a penis.  People were laughing and I wanted to shrink into a ball an disappear.  They proceeded to drop it into my lap and get off of the bus.  All the while, people are watching my reaction, including the bus driver, who lived on my street but did nothing.  I was speechless and fighting tears and then thankfully two girls named Alexandra and Shanna came to my rescue and called the guys out for the jerks that they were.  

This could have been a day where a teenager would have taken their own life, but something inside me didn't let that happen.  I feared from that day forward taking the bus or even going to school but I found the strength.  I hope more kids in this situation find the strength to keep pushing thru the hard years.  It gets better!