Thursday, October 28, 2010

Three days of Hallowe'en madness!!

Woot woot!  My favorite holiday of the year is upon us and this year it's a three day event.  

Day 1 will be our Hallowe'en party at work and a mid-day assembly at William's school which I will run to during my lunch break.  I just threw together my costume tonight and think it looks pretty darn good if I must say so myself.  A coworker had suggested that she and I go as Snooki and The Situation from Jersey Shore.  I said sure and to my knowledge at 11pm she has backed out and may not even wear a costume.  I'm hoping she's just trying to get me going but time will tell.  Here is my costume without some makeup to make me look tanned and maybe some greasy hair.

Day 2 is Saturday... I will spend the day with William but that evening I will be attending a Hallowe'en party in the south end of Halifax.  There are 34 confirmed guests and many pending or still maybes.  The party is expected to be epic... and epic is what a friend called my costume in it's first form.  This is the work in progress version I have taken a pic of.  I will hopefully finish the costume tonight or tomorrow evening.  It's not work appropriate and part of me is shocked that I am actually going to head out in public in this costume... but I figure I have to step up my game.  The crew hosting the party are known for stellar costumes and there is a contest so go big or go home... or in my case be brave or go home.  And let's face it, I'm gay and not getting any younger... no time like the present to be Robin (sidekick of Batman).

Day 3 will be October 31st.  I will be taking William trick-or-treating along with my ex-wife.  I always dress up, so I will again sport the Jersey Shore costume and we'll take a neighborhood in Sackville by storm.  William is dressing as Waldo, from Where's Waldo and I made his costume.

Let the festivities begin!!  Happy Hallowe'en Weekend y'all!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Self portrait

Onto greener pastures??

Over the course of the past year the company that I work for has put the arm of the business that I work for up for sale.  When the announcement first came down in a town hall meeting, I was here less than six months, and I looked around the office trying to survey the faces of my coworkers for the same panic that I was feeling.  I have been thru a restructuring and job loss before, with GMAC, and of course my fears might have been heightened by that but no one in the room seemed phased by the whole announcement.

Now with the sale confirmed to be taking place on November 1st our future is up in the air to some degree.  The purchase of our business is a huge undertaking for our new owners and although they work in our industry the scope of our business is overwhelming, to say the least.  That being said, their corporate office is currently in Toronto, not Halifax like my existing office.

Yesterday was a key day in the process for the group of employees that I am a member of.  There were meetings yesterday, which was basically an information gathering process, but the reality of the transaction about to take place was brought to reality for many of my coworkers.  And with that reality came a lot of fear and borderline tears for some when they thought about the fact that this new company has no ties to our currently employees and we may get left behind.  All the years of work some have put in; the unpaid overtime and personal sacrifices they thought they were making to further their career may have been for nothing.  Even our bosses are showing signs of fear.  It's terrifying. 

Today we have to try and get back to regular business and keep pushing thru and hope that our meetings had a positive impact on our future operations.  I'm hoping I am not back on the job hunt again.  I was never one who liked change and since March 2008 I have already had four jobs.  The anxiety of being potentially unemployed is building within me and I don't know what to do.  BUT, I am a HUGE believer that things happen for a reason and this may be a change in the path that I need to undertake in order to be more fulfilled.  Perhaps this is when I will go back to school and start over; something I have been thinking of for some time.  Here's hoping if my office is shut down I'm moving onto something better.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

It Gets Better Project

There are some sad statistics recently involving teenagers and children who have committed suicide recently due to being bullied for being gay and there has been a lot of media attention given to these lives.  And these are only the few that we have heard about.  Dan Savage, of Savage Love, has stepped up and created the It Gets Better Project where individuals are invited to use the power of youtube to share a story of survival and provide some inspiration to those struggling with surviving another day, to keep pushing forward and become the happy and healthy adults these kids deserve to be.

I'm 33 and I still struggle with my sexuality and being open about it with everyone in my life.  In fact, I was even hesitant to post this entry because I don't even know the scope of who reads this blog or what their stance may be on sexuality.  But then I think about the long road I took to get to where I am today and realize that I need to post this entry because the message is bigger than me.  I'm not one who really wants to label myself but I'm gay and that's okay.

I haven't decided yet whether or not I will post a video to youtube but I thought I would share the fact that I realize why these teenagers feel like they are at a low place that they cannot climb out of.  I have been bullied about my sexuality as far back as early elementary.  I remember times throughout school, even into grade 11 where I have had someone ask me if I was a girl.  I have never looked much like a girl; I have never worn my hair long but that question has always hurt.  I have endured jerks spitting on my locker.  I have been called the worst names and I even wonder if part of why my father and I never got along was because he thought I was gay.  But the ultimate act, which still kind of haunts me to this day, was when I was in high school and riding the bus home.  I was already insecure enough, but this particular day some guys a year ahead of me stood up, just before getting off at their stop to make sure the majority of the bus was their audience.  And they announced that they had made me something in woodshop.  It was a piece of wood in the shape of a penis.  People were laughing and I wanted to shrink into a ball an disappear.  They proceeded to drop it into my lap and get off of the bus.  All the while, people are watching my reaction, including the bus driver, who lived on my street but did nothing.  I was speechless and fighting tears and then thankfully two girls named Alexandra and Shanna came to my rescue and called the guys out for the jerks that they were.  

This could have been a day where a teenager would have taken their own life, but something inside me didn't let that happen.  I feared from that day forward taking the bus or even going to school but I found the strength.  I hope more kids in this situation find the strength to keep pushing thru the hard years.  It gets better!