Going to Toronto Pride 2011

Recently a cousin of mine moved to Toronto.  He is someone I never really knew until I came out; I reached out to him via facebook in a hopes of having someone in the family to talk to.  Little did I know that we would become such great friends and support to each other.

When he first talked of moving to Toronto, I was not surprised because he has the personal style that is light years ahead of our, at times, small minded city of Halifax.  He begged me to go with him; take a year away from Nova Scotia and just experience life exploring a strange city.  Of course I had to decline, because of my son, but I still allowed myself to dream of what it would be like to start over and be a stranger to everyone I met.

I promised I would visit him repeatedly and my first chance came in June.  I messaged him and said I was watching flight prices and he suggested I come up for Toronto Pride.  I didn`t hesitate.  I checked dates and whether they would jive with my work load and within minutes of having management approval I booked my flight.

I will be leaving June 29th, for a right of passage a lot of gay folks want to experience: a pride that could never be duplicated in the small cities and rural areas of Canada.  The first couple of nights I will spend with my sister, just visiting and maybe getting a little tipsy.  Then on Canada Day I will meet up with my cousin to take in all the crazy that will be Toronto Pride 2011.  I have no clue what I am in store for, but I know I`ve got stamina on the dance-floor; I have great tolerance for crowds and I can`t wait to be part of a community taking over one of the major cities of the world in celebration of just being ourselves.

Now if only I had had the self-discipline enough to work harder at the gym and avoid carbs.  Ha!

Being called a DILF is a title I'm proud of... but not for all the wrong reasons

Upon a few instances of chatting with guys, since coming out of the closet, I have been called a DILF.  Now, we all know what that term means, so I'm not going to spell it out, but I am flattered some guys have considered me a DILF.

And just a couple weeks ago I was having a conversation with some women in our accounting office and they told a story about having gone out for drinks at the Lower Deck and a server told them they were MILFs.  Initially not all of them knew what that meant, but were filled in pretty quickly.  Our conversation went on to a couple of the women saying they had felt insulted by that term... and I was all... Hold up, WHAT?  You were insulted?  It wasn't like he called you cougars.  If someone younger finds you attractive enough to think about getting up on ya (I'm so street), then you should be pretty proud that you've maintained your looks.

Now back to the term DILF.  I'm proud to be called it, no matter the connotation, because I am happy I'm maintaining my looks and more importantly cause I'm a Dad.  

It's the one thing in my life I'm most proud of.  I'd be that Dad who has that wallet insert that rolls to the ground full of picture of my son, if I could fit one in my wallet.  He makes me happy to be alive.  He's the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think of when I go to sleep.  To me Father's day is a day I consider myself pretty freaking blessed.  Not every man will get to experience the relationship I have and that's unfortunate.  Being a parent is amazingly rewarding.

Now I know not all men are as involved, or even care to be, as I am with William.  I grew up with a Dad who lacked the parenting (or even caring skills a lot of the time) that I have and if anything that makes me work that much harder to be a good Dad.  You've got one chance to raise a child, so I say go all in... your wager will be well worth it.

This morning I was given a gift bag from William with items he picked out.  I got a Where's Waldo book, Sour Patch kids (my favorite candy), a vampire squeeze toy, a Toy Story egg and most importantly a home made card.  It's a card I will keep forever... and I'll be honest I hope even when William is my age, he still makes me home made cards.

He made the card in school the front cover says "My Dad By William", inside he drew a picture of me and says "My Dad likes to tickle me" and on the back cover it says "Me and my Dad like watching the Simpsons".  Could any Hallmark card top that?  NEVER!

Happy Father's Day out there to all the men who try really hard to make great memories and lead by example!

Coming out of the closet, again

I'm starting to realize that there will be times in my life where I'm going to have to come out of the closet again and again.  I'm not a flaming homo and I have an ex-wife and a son so people tend to assume that I'm straight.  And in making that assumption people will make comments that unintentionally put me on the spot.

And that's where I am right now, at my place of work.  I've been there over three months and as people learn more about me and develop friendships they say things based on the assumption that I'm 100% straight.  And I feel like I MUST come out at work very soon, because I almost feel like I'm lying about who I am.  And I haven't gone thru all of this struggle, to hide again.

My intention is to just pass on the fact that I'm a homo in conversation, at some point, without drawing much attention to it.  It's just a fact of my life; I've dealt with it and have nothing to be ashamed of yet I don't know why I've gone this long without just spitting it out.

The office culture I work in is well varied.  There is the full working age range represented in my office, and even within the group I work relatively close with.  Some of the older generation's opinion, I expect will be judgmental and not understanding but that's their issue, not mine.  There are also, at least two openly gay employees and having run into one of them at a local gay bar, I feel like I would rather address this rumor openly myself than have him create gossip about it.  Sidenote: he was very drunk, making out and feeling up another guy while on the dance floor and didn't notice me, so it's not a current concern.

Now I just have to find a way to bring it up.  I foresee two easy possibilities in the next couple of weeks: going to lunch with a coworker tomorrow, cause she wants to vent and a summer work party where drinks and dancing are involved and expected.  I just hope that by the end of June I'll have succeeded in coming out of the closet again.

1 girl 5 gays

There's a show on MTV Canada, which I found about a year ago online called 1 girl 5 gays which has fastly become one of my favorite shows.  It is a show comprised of a female host and a panel of gay men from different facets of the community.  Every week they answer "20 questions about love and sex", but in reality the show deals with many more questions than that.  The panel are a group of men with a wide variety of experience and opinions and as such, it can lead to heated debates.

Some gay men look at the show as promoting the promiscuous stereotype and therefore write it off, however I love the show.  So much so, that I've had correspondence with both the host and the casting director inquiring about the ability to be on the show some day.  I think the men on the panel are very brave to be completely honest about their experiences and opinions because they share some very intimate details about their own lives. And while some may look at their answers and think about the negative impression it may give, I look at their answers and appreciate their honesty.  If more people, both gay and straight, would be honest they would probably admit that there's a lot more promiscuity in all sexual orientations and that homos are no more apt to have multiple sexual partners than any other group.

The show also allows you to see a wider cross section of the gay community.  From very feminine to very masculine guy and everything in between.  From plaid shirts to deep v.  From very fit to over weight.  And I think anyone could watch the show and feel they are somehow represented.  And I'll be honest, if I lived in TO I would want to have a drink with a few of the guys and have similar conversations.

I encourage anyone who hasn't heard of the show to watch at least one episode.  Here is the most recent online.