It's the small things that can get you thru

Sometimes I get wrapped up in life and my mind runs non-stop with things (like pending unemployment) and it seems to be all I talk about.  But then there's this other side of my life where I notice all these little things that occur that make me slow down and realize what I have.  Since I'm looking at an open future right now I thought it might be nice, for a change, to jot down a few things that make me smile.

• When I carry William out of the tub, to his bedroom to have cream rubbed on his overly sensitive skin and then pjs we ALWAYS pause at the mirror and look at each other... and maybe make a funny face.  I have done this with EVERY SINGLE bath I have given him.
• When William crawls into bed early in the morning, or midway thru the night he has to snuggle in.  And he's not content or settled unless he's sharing my pillow and has an arm wrapped around my neck.
• When driving in the car, I sometimes try to scare William by sliding my arm between my seat and the door to grab his leg.  And he always catches on, without changing the look on his face, and blocks my hand with his foot within a few seconds.
• William's favorite Christmas gift wasn't the Nintendo Wii that Santa brought to his Mom's house, but the Buzz Lightyear Trouble (board) game Santa brought to my house.  And we play it non-stop. 
• I like that when my Sister and I are about to hang up from talking on the phone we now tell each other we love each other.  Even though there's provinces between us now I think we're closer than we've been since probably high school.
• I love to watch William and my Mom (Gramma) interact.  William is closer to my Mom than I was with any of my Grandparents, and I like to think I was pretty close with my Grandparents.  I also am glad that William remembers my Grammie and will often make comments about characters in a book or on a tv show resembling her. 
• It makes me proud that William is an avid learner.  He's constantly sounding out words, trying to read signs or even point out patterns.  And even when he has homework he's excited to do it.  I know it's early but I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

I'm sure I could come up with a million other little things that make my day... sometimes you just need to focus on those and know everything else will fall into place. 

The ugly side

As far as parenting William goes, he's been a dream child.  I hear stories from coworkers, friends and other family members and I cannot believe that things can really get that out of control.  Usually, I tend to look at the parent and wonder if it's their behavior that makes their child act out of control, or whether that person is just a complainer (because that's a disease that my generation has become infected with).  

Two prime examples are when people talk about the terrible twos or how out of control their children behave when they eat chocolate.  Really two years old was an amazing year and each year gets better.  And as far as chocolate or soda goes I never see abnormal behavior after William (or any child) consumes those.

The fifth year of William's life has brought out an ugly side that Jaime and I are left unsure how to handle.  William has turned into a child that is pushing boundaries in one area: he doesn't want to participate in organized activities.  The two examples which have been the most difficult have been softball and swimming lessons.  Wish soft ball the season's first practices started out okay.  He was excited, made hits and ran the bases, but then something changed.  He became aware that everyone was watching him and he no longer wanted to even go on the field.  We tried making him sit thru all the innings with his team on the bench and watch, even if he wouldn't participate, but we soon gave into the fights thinking perhaps he just didn't really like soft ball.  

When school started we had some hesitation with him being excited to start but it all changed and he's excelled in school and looks forward to going everyday.  We thought perhaps it was just soft ball and wrote it off.

And now William is registered in swimming lessons.  He was in them when he was younger, but they were parent/tot classes and really didn't get anything out of them, other than being in a pool on a weekly basis.  I have taken him swimming quite regularly over the years since, but I decided this year I had to enroll him again because swimming is truly survival knowledge.  I would be somewhat failing as a parent to not give him this basic knowledge.

Since it had been a couple of months since William and I had been in the exact pool that he would have lessons in I took him to an open swim for three hours the day before his first lesson.  He realized that he had grown enough to touch thru all areas of the pool and that gave him a lot of confidence.  The next morning however he didn't want to get into the water.  His insecurity over-ruled any reasoning that I presented.  I told his teacher to continue the class without him and made him sit on the edge of the pool and watch his two other classmates as they went thru the lesson.  After class was over I went over what they had done in class and asked him what he had been afraid of and there wasn't anything.  He left promising that the next time he would get in.

This week we went back to the open swim all Saturday afternoon.  We did most of the same things that were covered in the previous lesson and he seemed good to go.  I even put him in a life jacket for a portion of the swim to know what it felt like to have no dependence on me in any capacity in the pool.  He was so proud of himself and said he'd be in the pool the next morning.  Sadly, this morning was the same old story.  He had tears streaming down his cheeks and was very silent.  I had to again tell the instructor to continue without him and told William that I was disappointed and forced him to sit on the edge of the water while I went back with the other parents.  And for about 20 minutes a different instructor came over and talked with him trying to coax him into joining the class.  It was a no go.

I'm at a loss.  I remember what it was like to be the child who was paralyzed with insecurity and didn't want to participate.  But I don't want William to be that child.  This behavior held me back in many areas of life.  He deserves better and as parents we need to help him overcome this hurdle.  But how?  I don't think it's really something he should be punished for, because it's really an emotional response for him and not behavioral. And I don't want to offer rewards, because that is just setting us up for years of problems having him do anything.  So what option do we have?

How do you get your child to grow up with confidence and willing to go outside their comfort zone?  

Headhunter

One week from today will be my last day of work at ING.  I am both looking forward to that day and slightly dreading it.  I am looking forward to it because I have reached the point where I find it hard to maintain my commitment to the company.  Not that I am not working, but I find it hard to justify working my ass off and staying late, when the door has been shut on me.  I'm dreading it because I have made some great friends here and I have still not secured my next job.

I spent a couple of sleepless nights budgeting my severance funds in my head.  Making sure I'd have enough cash to make my car payments, insurance premiums, RESP payments, etc until I am again gainfully employed.  I wish I was one of those lucky souls who is debt free but it's an unfortunate reality that divorce has taken a definite toll on my finances and my final "pre-bill" was in the multiple thousands of dollars.  I disputed the charges and have yet to hear back.  I'm hoping they will show some mercy.

A couple of weeks ago I forwarded an email, including my resume, to a headhunter here in Halifax.  It's a group that do a lot of staffing for accountant positions.  I had hoped to attain something on my own but since time is running out I figured I had better use all of the tools available to me and forward the information.

This Monday past, I met with the headhunter and we discussed my past experience in detail, salary expectations, industries I may be interested in working in, whether or not I would consider contract positions; all things I expected.  The woman, unfortunately, doesn't have much of a social personality, and I found that really hard to understand.  I would think that someone in her position would be very social; isn't that how she sells her clients?  I realized that when I was answering her questions I was talking for long periods of time and she would tune out at a certain point in my response.  I guess she just wanted the direct answer and not much background.  I also found it discouraging when she told me I was expecting the high end of the salary range for my experience.  This is hard for me to understand because when I took this job I took a fairly large pay cut, but I weighed out my being content at work versus cash and happiness won.  I didn't regret it, but at the same time I'm making about the same salary I was making at 26.  I'm 33 and feel like based on performance reviews, education and experience that I shouldn't have to again expect a pay cut just to fit into an organizations budgetary constraints.  We'll see how that battle goes.

And on Tuesday I went back to the office of the headhunter to write a test.  I'm guessing it's a placement test and was 35 multiple choice questions in 30 minutes.  I did very well on the test, which was a huge relief, since I'm sure that would have an effect on the types of jobs she will forward my resume for. 

So here I am, 6 working days (including today) until I'm unemployed for the first time since I was 18.  My severance package is generous so I could afford to be off until probably April before I have to cut into my RRSPs.  And I'm slightly terrified. The unknown has always been a huge fear.  If I knew I would be unemployed for the month of February I could handle that.  But this unknown factor is playing tricks on my brain.  I know I'm employable.  I'm a fast learner, socially capable and have spent tens of thousands of dollars educating myself.  I just need to get an interview.  Once I'm in an interview I'm completely comfortable and can sell myself.

Just waiting for the big break!

Disposable friend

It's funny how a person or group of people can make me, at 33 year old man, turn into an insecure 14 year old.  What is it about someone that can make me lose my confidence?  And I have allowed those moments effect my thinking enough that I consider avoiding interactions with those people.

I don't know if it's because I grew up never feeling like I ever truly fit in.  Or that I was made to feel like the disposable friend many times over the years.  I thought all the work I have done on myself over the last few years have reduced the importance I used to place on fitting in and allowed me to move forward with little concern about other's opinions of me.  I guess old habits are hard to break.

But since we're in 2011, I have made a strong commitment to myself to reach my potential in all aspects of my life.  I'm not going to avoid situations that may initially be uncomfortable, instead I'm going to embrace them as new challenges for me to over come.  This weekend will be one of those challenges, a close friend's birthday party.  

Coincidentally, I received a phone call around 9:30 Monday night from a friend I haven't seen since Hallowe'en. He's someone I've gotten to know over the last couple of years and someone who has turned to me for help on a couple of occasions.  I respect his determination in life and admire him for, at times, walking to the beat of his own drum.  His call was solely to find out where I've been lately; that he's noticed my drifting away from the group.  He wasn't looking for cause or gossip, just wanted to know everything was okay and show genuine care for our friendship.  As if I didn't respect him enough already, he's gone ahead and boosted my confidence without even knowing it.  He reinforced the thinking I've been trying to foster when I'm feeling  insecure; that most of it is my own mental game and that people do value my friendship.

Perhaps I'm not disposable.  This year I'm starting to believe it.

Hey Jude

I try not to talk about this too much on here, because I don't want to sound like a broken record but I miss my wife.  I will never get over her.  She was my absolute best friend and I ache to have her back in my life on a daily basis.  

I know people say that in time we will be able to develop a friendship again, and I'll admit that things are much easier now then they were in the fall of 2008.  But ever day we're not friends is a day I feel is wasted.

And what brought on this outburst of thought?  The Beatles.  I was on iTunes fully expecting to purchase the red album but Jaime and I spent so many hours listening to the Beatles that I don't think I can ever listen to a Beatles song without remembering our amazing road trips.

I love her and always will.  A part of my heart will always be missing because I no longer live a life with her.

Something big this way comes??

Well the end of employment is now in sight and I've reached that stage I knew I would reach.  That stage where I can't get to sleep at night because I'm worried about money.  I lay with my eyes closed thinking about how many weeks I will be able to afford to go without a pay cheque.  How many car payments?  How many cell bills?  Should I cancel my gym membership?  Should I put William's RESP on hold?

It's a terrible time of the year to be looking for a job... at least that's what I've been told a few times by and employment counselor that has been assigned to our office.  And he actually had the nerve to tell me to just take any job and then look for something else when I secure something.  Is that what employment counselors get paid to tell you?  I thought that he would suggest ways to research employment opportunities that would stimulate me.  Help me find headhunters that would increase my odds of becoming gainfully employed.  That I should make the best of an awful situation and try and improve my position.  Nope.  Thankfully I'm not paying him.

Today I decided to submit my resume to a placement agency that specializes in the accounting industry.  I have heard some good things and some bad things, but lets face it... a job is better than none.

I'm also holding out hope that a Collections Officer position that I applied for with the province will at least result in an interview.  The pay would be comparable and it would get my foot in the door and possibly lead to opportunities that are far more stimulating to me than month end accruals. 

Who knows what the next few months will bring... I just wish I at least knew how long I would be unemployed so I could budget accordingly cause this lack of sleep is cramping my style.  

Imma own this one!

I'll look back on 2010 as a year I learned many great lessons.  It was a year that I realized that I could make friends without the help of anyone, that given time people always show their true colors, that if I hold certain expectations of others then I will probably be disappointed, that being single was something I was okay with, and that eating cleaner can do some amazing things to your body.

My 2010 did not end on the highest note, however I count my blessings because most of the things which were negatives were trivial.  

I lost my job towards the end of the year and still haven't been able to secure my next posting.  I can feel the stress building within me but I'm trying to stay positive.  I believe things happen for a reason and have to trust it was for the best.

In the spring of 2010 I lost one of my best friends.  Well I guess I didn't lose him, but instead asked him to leave my life.  Sadly, there was some actions going on behind my back that made me realize that I was being played for a fool and I only take things so long.  The spring was the straw that broke the camel's back and I made it clear that I wouldn't be walked over any longer.  Because of that choice, that friend then campaigned with my circle of friends to get deep into the circle and push me out.  He's pretty much succeeded and it culminated this fall.  I took it personally and it still hurts, if I'm being completely honest.  But over the last couple of months I realized that I'm not responsible for the actions of others, that I cannot control what others say about me and that I truly don't have to try and defend myself to anyone.  If any of my friends believe the lies told about me and/or don't have the respect enough for me to talk to me about it, then I really don't need them in my life any longer either.  It's a sad reality but one lesson I'm happy I learned.

I look to 2011 with a lot of promise.  Things are going to look up and  very quickly, I have no doubt.  I will find a new career path and am looking forward to a new challenge.  If I had the option I wouldn't even finish out the month because perhaps the pressure of being unemployed will kick my drive into gear.

I also have two trips on the horizon.  My family is going somewhere tropical (probably Cuba) in April.  We've talked about it for the better part of a year and I have already started saving for William's portion of the trip.  I love the beach and to spend a week in the sand and warm waters with my family is going to be a dream come true.  The other trip is to Vancouver.  I've never been to the west coast of Canada yet and it's on my bucket list, so when I got an invite to a July wedding in the city I pretty much committed to being there.  I just need to know I'll be employed and then I'm booking my flight.  

And based on the crazy times I had with friends this year, I have no doubt 2011 will also bring adventure.  I realize that life is short and although I have big strides planned for my financial position, with proper planning and budgeting I hope this year will be one of the best so far.  I have new friends and memories to make and after a few months of rebuilding strength and enhancing my confidence I have no doubt I will own this year.

Happy New Year Everyone!

A mover and a shaker

On boxing day we went to visit at a friend's house... the music was pumping and everyone got into the groove...  

And since every moment in life is a learning experience... I took the time to notice how convenient it would be if I drink and dance in feety pjs... that way when you crash it doesn't matter... you're set for sleep.

A lotta Christmas spirit for ya

I read the Bloggess on a semi-regular basis; I think she's hilarious.  But over on her blog there was something pretty moving going on.  A huge Christmas miracle if you will... and for those of us struggling to be in the spirit this year, I challenge you to read this entry and not be moved in some way. 

http://thebloggess.com/2010/12/my-heart-grew-three-sizes-and-now-i-have-an-enlarged-heart-worth-it/

Do I have a hangover?

I'm one of the lucky few who, even into my thirties, have been blessed with an ability to drink my face off and wake up without a hangover.  And when I see what some folks go thru, including my ex-wife, I honestly believe that I would not drink nearly as often, cause I couldn't bear to deal with the discomfort and vomiting.

And then Friday night was my work Christmas party... during the day at work I was feeling a bit run down but was counting on the tradition that the office closed at 3pm, so I could sneak home and have a quick nap to rejuvenate myself.  No such luck, but I still took off at 4pm.  Instead of heading straight home, I headed to the mall to pick up a must buy gift for William and then had enough time to jam some tunes to life my spirits, have a shower and iron a few shirts.

Mingling started at 6:30 and since I'm single I decided to arrive 15 minutes late to ensure my friends would be there and I wouldn't be stuck talking to management and their spouses about future job aspirations.  I walked off the elevator and grabbed my drink tickets and made my way to the bar where I saw a couple of friends.  I had a gin and tonic and mingled with my friends and some other coworkers that would wait at the bar for service.  We stuck pretty close to the bar cause it was also located near the dining room and we wanted to ensure we would get to sit together.  

We sat down and enjoyed a good dinner and an amazing view of the Halifax waterfront.  I probably should have stuck to water but white wine always goes down so well but also knocks me off my feet.  Before I knew it I was explaining to the girls what it means when my teeth go numb.  We shared a lot of laughs and really enjoyed our last social event as a full group, as the next round of staff to leave is December 31st.  

Lots more drinks were consumed, including a round of shots I indirectly talked my boss into buying for us... and by us ended up being every drinking in the room (sorry Allan... I'm sure you're wife doesn't like me so much anymore).  Funny sidebar: a girlfriend of one staff member who none of us have met before was a very sweet Asian girl who was far more intoxicated than me, and when she knocked her shot glass over on the tray, she waited until the rest were gone before picking the tray up very publicly and tilting it up so she could slurp her shot out of the tray.  The crowd just stared.  Great moment!

We finished up our drink tickets and headed into the elevator (pic below) and headed out to Celtic Corner to check out the live entertainment.  The music was good and we had another round of drinks and then someone suggested dancing and before we knew it my pregnant work wife, Karen, had us loaded into her truck headed to Halifax to dance.  Again I should have stopped drinking but I apparently can't.  The crew stayed until 3am and then they headed home, but I had ran into friends and had a taxi chit so I stayed a little longer.  Long enough to realize how drunk I was, so I bought a bottle of water, found a couch and chugged it down.  I grabbed my coat and a cab and was home before 4am.  Watered the Christmas tree, only to pass-out underneath it for an hour or so.

The next morning I woke up and felt horrible.  Could I really have a hangover?  Damn this sucks.  The ex-wife and the son picked me up and we grabbed some lunch and my car, but unlike the past the fast-food didn't fix the problem.  William and I spent the rest of the day together and as the day went on I felt worse and worse until finally I was running a high fever.  Sunday morning I had Jaime come pick William up and I spent the day watching tv and realizing my glands were growing by the hour.  It hadn't been a hangover I was full on sick.  

By the time Monday arrived I called in sick for work and went to the doctor.  I was screened for the regular things and was swabbed for strep and given a blood sample requisition for mono.  I had the blood-work done and was told it would be two days for results.  The next two days were pretty terrible.  I could barely eat and by Wednesday was still rocking a fever and my voice was very distorted from the swollen glands.  Mono came back clear and I begged for antibiotics, since the strep hadn't returned yet.  I was given the prescription and went home to regularly dose myself with drugs. 

With still no answer as to what I am sick with all I can hope is since I've suffered almost a week already, I'll surely be clear for Christmas.

MashUp

I've been kinda offline cause it feels like I don't have a lot of free time lately.  So instead of an entry with one specific topic this is going to be a mash up of my last two weeks.

My interview went well with Nova Scotia Power and I left unsure if I would get a job offer.  Not that I felt like I messed any one question up, but I was very clear to the panel that I hoped to stay at my current job until the end of January (and they were hoping to fill their position within the next couple of weeks) and the guy I would be reporting to was someone I went thru grade school with and never was really friends with.  I played with the idea of whether I could work for someone I grew up with but today I got a call that they hired internally so my decision was made for me.  The HR contact was nice enough to let me know they were impressed with my interview and would contact me if another competition arose.

In relation to legal issues I have decided to drop the last issue I have with the divorce.  I spent a lot of time wondering if I would be making a big mistake but thought realistically about the money I would spend for the chance to get what I want when William will soon become more vocal about what he wants and we'll have to listen to a larger extend.  I'm not sure how quickly things will move now but we'll see.

This past weekend was a little crazy.  Let's start with Friday... I attended guerrilla gayfare.  What is guerrilla gayfare you may ask?  It's when the gay community decide to all arrive at a "non-gay" bar all wearing the same color, or ugly Christmas sweaters this month, and go out to make a few new friends.  I didn't have an ugly Christmas sweater so I attached a fabric advent calendar to my shirt and headed out with my friends.  We enjoyed some drinks, chatted to lots of people and danced to the live band... and heck, we even had a doctor buy a round of Stella for us.  Not a bad night.

Saturday I did some Christmas shopping with my Ma and had a nap in the late afternoon.  Soon the text messages were coming in asking me to head out to retro night at the Paragon.  It's probably one of my favorite events here in Halifax so I couldn't turn it down.  We danced to music we grew up on and sweated our asses off.  A new friend of mine decided to join us but sadly didn't make it until the end of retro night (2am) so we went on to Reflections to dance for a couple more hours.  This is the point where I should have gone home... but since he had made the effort I went.  We were having a great time and I ran into some friends I haven't seen in a while and around 3:30 am he started passing out on the dance floor... I tried to get him to leave and in doing so a "friend" of his joined us asking where we were going and insisting he was a boyfriend.  They had some words and things were getting very serious.  I took my friend out in the hopes of getting out before things got messy.  Once outside I asked if he would be okay and he said he thought so, we took off and about half a block later all hell broke loose.  His "friend" showed up and started yelling at him again, and got in my face at one point, before beating this poor guy.  Punching, kicking and dragging the guy into the street by his hair before throwing him to the ground.  I had no idea what to do, and I'm no a fighter so sadly I only had the option of calling 911... police statements were given and by around 4:30am I was home crawling in bed while shaking my head.  WTF is wrong with people?  

Sunday morning I was up at 9am and headed out to get William from his Mom's to take him to my work kids Christmas party.  It was at Winter Wonderland, which is a huge indoor event full of bouncy castles, carnival games, Santa Claus and cookie decorating.  William had a blast and I loved watching him have such a good time with the other kids.  

And then back to work... my week has been nuts.  Deadlines are all merging together, tempers are flaring and  we are all trying to focus on the task at hand... wrapping up the company in a professional manner.  To say that the drinks at our Christmas party on Friday will go down easy will be an understatement.

Well I should take off... I'll try and get back sooner this time.

Interview #1

Tomorrow at 2:30 I will be sitting in front of two strangers while they bombard me with questions about my employment history, strengths and weaknesses all in the hopes of getting a job offer for a position I'm not 100% sure I even want.  

I consider myself lucky that I got a call, on the closing date, for an Intermediate Accountant job for Nova Scotia Power.  It's a job I am certainly qualified for, and it's our only power corporation, so that bodes well that if I get the job that I shouldn't be in this position again in two years but I have a couple of reasons to hesitate.  One is that I'm not confident that I want to continue to be an accountant for the duration of my career and two when they asked my salary expectations they said it was at the upper end of the range for the position, which means they had no intention of offering that salary.

I am going to go into the interview as if I'm convinced this is the best move for me, however if I do get a job offer I'm going to be faced with the decision of whether or not I'm ready to jump at a job offer prior to receiving my severance package and whether it truly is the best move for me professionally.  I think secretly I know that I'm holding out hope to get an interview for one of the Province of Nova Scotia jobs that I also applied for but doesn't close for another couple of weeks.

I will also be faced with the challenge of negotiating terms in relation to start date and salary which I'm not completely convinced I have the ability to do successfully.  Here's hoping I am faced with the challenge of deciding what to do...

Just a taste

Well we've had a taste of winter here in Halifax.  The ground was covered and Christmas lights were glowing so I took a chance around 11 pm that evening to take a quick walk around the Hydrostone area of my beautiful city to take a couple of pics.  This one is from my iPhone.  I love how quiet it gets when the snow is falling, traffic is almost non-existant and you can feel very alone.  I could have walked outside bundled up for hours if it wasn't a work night.  And here's a terrible self-portrait... a skill I obviously need to work on.

Strangely I am looking forward to winter this year.  Not that I hate the season, but sometimes the reduced hours of daylight can wear on a brotha... but this year I'm looking at the positives.  It's almost the start of a new year, a new job, and I want to get out skiing and spend some time sledding and building snowmen with Willsy B.  Oh and I only want it to be snowy... I don't want the bitter dry cold.  I can demand that right?

It's the little things...

One thing I love about my current job, that I am hoping will be similar with my next employer is the flex time policy.  I was lucky enough to change my hours from 9-5 to 830-430 once William started to school.  This allows me to take William to the bus stop and wait with him until he boards the bus and heads to school.  

It's only a half hour change in my work day but those mornings waiting with William are some of my favorite moments lately.  Whether it's watching him become more confident around other kids, to his excitement at having the first backpack in line or even being there to wave as the bus pulls off... all memories I will share with William far into the future when he has children of his own.

Project 365

I got my iPhone 4 almost two months ago and I have to say I love it.  I guess the amount of calls I make doesn't warrant the cost of the phone, even under a contract, however all of the other uses of an iPhone made it well worth the investment.

One app in particular that I've grown rather fond of, and encourage all of my iPhone cohorts to download is Project 365.  It's an app that you are supposed to use daily to journalize your year thru photos.  You create your photo diary simply by using your camera everyday for a year... can it get any easier? 

I started mine half part way thru November and already I enjoy looking back thru the past few weeks at some of the photos and am reminded of some adventure I was on.  And in addition to reminding me of certain experiences it is also getting me in the habit of taking more photos and actually using a digital camera I'm now carrying everyday.  

Here is a sampling of some of the photos I have taken... and again I encourage you to download the app if you have an iPhone.

He's not heavy... he's my son

This morning on the way to work I was waiting at a stop sign and noticed a young man carrying what I assume was his son on his shoulders.  The little boy had a backpack on and looked so content being carried towards the elementary school.  I just kind of stared at them and wondered if William will someday look at the same scene and remember all the times he has travelling in the exact same way on my shoulders.

William and I have an amazing relationship.  I'm very blessed to have a young boy who is kind, polite, caring and has an amazing sense of humor... and the older he gets I realize how much more independent he has become and it makes me a little sad.  I'm blessed.  And I'll carry him as long as I physically can.

August 2008

Fork in the road

As I mentioned a while back the company that I work for was for sale.  On November 1st the $2+ billion dollar transaction took place; something that had increased our workload substantially over the summer.  And on Tuesday a town-hall meeting was called for all offices across Canada.  It would be at noon-hour meeting for us on the Atlantic coast.  Fear in the office was slightly escalated but at the same time, since we had received limited information on any restructuring, our hopes were that we would get some insight as to how our next few months would be affected.

We received an inner-office invite to merge in the conference room at 11:30 and have some lunch as we prepared for the tele-conference.  I opted to skip the pizza because I'm trying to get back on track with my eating and joined the group around 11:45.  As I walked down the hall to the conference room I noticed two of our VPs in the smaller conference room with someone I didn't recognize and instantly I felt my heart rate quicken.  

I joined the group with were all in active conversations, yet all nervously watching the door.  I sat down next to my friend Karen and soon the receptionist Karma joined us and we made idle chit chat.  Then one of the VPs came out and asked Karma to go downstairs because about 10 people would be arriving and needed to be escorted up to the board room.  My heart sunk and I knew what was coming next.

The group arrived in suits and stern faces.  Most shuffled their way thru the crowd and stood at the front of the room as the new owners started the conference call.  Most of the call I couldn't pay attention to because it was obvious that our future was negatively changing and it was out of our control.  We were told that we would each have one-on-one meetings with the members of staff from the new company to discuss our future and that for those who were not continuing on packages would be detailed.  Tears welled in my eyes.

The call lasted maybe 10 minutes but the weight on everyone's shoulders was beyond bearable.  We went back to our desks and waited out our individual turns.  We couldn't work; not only because we could not concentrate but also because all internet, including email was shut down until after meetings were held.  People who had been employed with the company long enough had a feeling we were all out of jobs immediately and started packing up their desks.  I did the same.  Taking down pictures of William and throwing out non-essential papers and gathering up the social committee petty cash and receipts and putting them in a safe with notes for whoever would deal with the funds.  It was a long three hours until my meeting.

Three hours of watching friends go into an office and come out with swollen eyes; packing up their stuff and leaving or for some there seemed to be a contract for them to consider, which extended their employment for a predetermined amount of time.  Finally it was my time to enter.  I had watched enough of my co-workers pass by to regroup and calm my nerves.  

I entered the office and met someone from the new company in a suit and see an envelope with my name on it on the table.  I made a joke and it broke the tension.  He told me he appreciated my attitude and then went into his speech about me being identified as a key employee and hoped that I would stay with the company until the end of January as part of the transition team.  Anything else he may have said is a blur and I was shuffled down the hall to a gentleman who worked for an independent HR company who would help me transition to my next employment opportunity.

I was offered employment until the end of January at my regular salary.  If I stay until the end of the contract I will also receive a bonus as well as a generous severance package.  Of course I will accept for two reasons... 1. I am terrified to be unemployed and have responsibilities and 2. if I don't accept the offer I get nothing.

So here I am, for a second time in two years, facing unemployment due to a restructuring.  This time, thankfully, I am not also dealing with a health scare and a marriage that is falling apart.  I am at a fork in the road and am now forcing myself to analyse my life and which path I want to follow.  While I was content with my job I knew it wasn't something I would do, at least with this company, for 30 years until retirement.  

The options ahead of me right now are to either stay in the accounting field and continue my designation, or go back to school for a new path, or find alternate employment that utilizes my existing skill set but is perhaps in a different capacity.

Today I have spent the day in Starbucks drinking tea, doing some networking via email, making lists and doing some research.  And it's funny.  Initially I was scared to find out my fate, but unlike my last layoff, I'm looking forward to the change.  It's an exciting stage to be in, regardless of the unknown.  I'm going to try and embrace it this time and try and find a career that is more rewarding than things I have done in the past.

Hallowe'en Party 2010

Saturday, October 30th my friends Colin and Colin hosted a party at their apartment... which also happens to be an old whore house in Halifax.  They completely converted their place and hosted a party to not be missed.  I won't go into a long drawn out post detailing the whole night but will give you some of the highlights.  If you want more specifics leave a comment and I'll be happy to expand.

Here's a few flashes of moments in my night:

 

Ex-Wife and son drive me to my friend Tori's house

 

Get into cab wearing costume which includes gold cape and green panty hose... cab driver doesn't even bat an eye.

 

At party I get groped twice by a 19 year old before I have a talk about his aggressiveness... he then begs for a hug.

 

I wrote something vulgar on a guy's tank top

 

Fog machine sets off smoke detector in apartment building... landlady freaks out cause someone is laughing as we are evacuated

 

Two early 20 something guys wearing loin-cloths are making out just for someone else to see it happen... they barely even know each other

 

Bath tub is full of blood and fingers

 

Sonny (female) and Cher (male) do a song for the crowd

 

the male Elizabeth (from The View) asks me to help him unzip his dress in the kitchen so he can change into pants for the bar... he just fully disrobes in the kitchen... I also have to help with panty hose.

 

Hop in cab with a very strong full drink to drive two blocks to the bar... he his a stop a little hard and I drop the entire drink on the floor with audible splash and limes everywhere... I tip well and act like nothing happened.

 

A "used tampon" costume wins for best costume at the bar... clearly they didn't see mine.

 

I run into a number of Robins... mine is the only home made version

 

Using the bathroom at Refs I have to hold my cup (jock version not drink) in my teeth to pee

 

Dance very close/flirt with someone - crush is developed

 

Freeze waiting for my own cab

 

Get home and take off costume to have coins fall onto floor that a leprechaun (lesbian friend) must have stuffed into my costume at some point.

 

Ahhh... Hallowe'en... that magical time of the year!!

Three days of Hallowe'en madness!!

Woot woot!  My favorite holiday of the year is upon us and this year it's a three day event.  

Day 1 will be our Hallowe'en party at work and a mid-day assembly at William's school which I will run to during my lunch break.  I just threw together my costume tonight and think it looks pretty darn good if I must say so myself.  A coworker had suggested that she and I go as Snooki and The Situation from Jersey Shore.  I said sure and to my knowledge at 11pm she has backed out and may not even wear a costume.  I'm hoping she's just trying to get me going but time will tell.  Here is my costume without some makeup to make me look tanned and maybe some greasy hair.

Day 2 is Saturday... I will spend the day with William but that evening I will be attending a Hallowe'en party in the south end of Halifax.  There are 34 confirmed guests and many pending or still maybes.  The party is expected to be epic... and epic is what a friend called my costume in it's first form.  This is the work in progress version I have taken a pic of.  I will hopefully finish the costume tonight or tomorrow evening.  It's not work appropriate and part of me is shocked that I am actually going to head out in public in this costume... but I figure I have to step up my game.  The crew hosting the party are known for stellar costumes and there is a contest so go big or go home... or in my case be brave or go home.  And let's face it, I'm gay and not getting any younger... no time like the present to be Robin (sidekick of Batman).

Day 3 will be October 31st.  I will be taking William trick-or-treating along with my ex-wife.  I always dress up, so I will again sport the Jersey Shore costume and we'll take a neighborhood in Sackville by storm.  William is dressing as Waldo, from Where's Waldo and I made his costume.

Let the festivities begin!!  Happy Hallowe'en Weekend y'all!

Self portrait