2012

So I did something this weekend that I have never done before. I went to a movie alone. Not something I could have done back in my insecure days, but it didn’t even really cross my mind yesterday as something I wouldn’t do. It was a decision that I made after spending the majority of the weekend alone, because my closest friend went away and I just wanted to get out of the house.

I checked the movie listings for four locations trying to find something that would catch my attention. But unfortunately the vampires have taken over and bumped a few movies I had hoped to see out of the theatres. I resolved myself to instead heading to the gym or back to yoga for the second time this weekend and then I thought I would look at the trailer for 2012 again.

The first time I saw the trailer I was put off by the over-the-top scene where John Cusack is driving a limo through the streets of some California town while the ground is being ripped apart and buildings are crumbling to the ground. However, late Friday night I found a short investigative show on VisionTV (I know, Vision TV) about the Mayan culture and the date of the winter solstice 2012. They explained how predictions have been made, and how sun flare activity can be matched with earthquake activity. Then there were the specialists and full believers who claim that the magnetic poles will shift, volcanoes around the world will become active, flooding, every building destroyed, countries at war over the few resources left. So I thought, what the heck, I will go see the movie and see how things play out.

There were huge amounts of unbelievable scenes, but that’s what a big budget film is about. What really hit me about the film was their take on how things would transpire politically. From passengers on the Arcs paying for their spot, to governments using China to produce the Arcs and hide them, to the governments producing the arcs without any public knowledge, and fatal “accidents” happening to anyone involved who decides to speak out on the subject of Arcs being created.

The movie was exactly what it was supposed to be. It was a distraction; one that kept me in the theatre for two hours forty-four minutes to be exact. And it made me think about what would take place if that type of catastrophe did take place. Life might be shorter than we think.

Heart-breaking moment of the weekend

William and I had a great weekend together. We hung out and watched movies, snuggled, went shopping for his Mom’s birthday present, to his gymnastics class and even for a swim on Sunday afternoon. But there was one moment from the weekend that I can’t seem to forget.

William has a tendency to label himself and his Mom as certain characters in any show he watches. They are generally the two main characters in the show. I assume he does that because they spend a lot of time together snuggled watching tv, but I don’t know that for sure. The problem is that I asked him who I was on Toopy and Binoo, because he never labels me. And he told me Patchy-Patch (an occasional character on the show). I asked why and he said because I’m not always there.

It broke my heart a little. Okay, a lot, because here it is too days later and those words are still haunting me. I take the time to tell him that even though I am not always physically there that I want to be. That I love him and that I want to always be with him.

He didn’t say it in a mean way at all, more of an in-passing kind of way, but I think it details his thought process to some degree. I know I don’t get to spend as much quality time with William (and not for lack of fighting for that right on my part), but the time I have with him I try and make sure he feels that he is my main priority.

I guess I should try and look at it similar to those parents who have to work for extended parts of the week/month/year away from home and miss out on time with their children, but somehow it doesn’t make it much easier.

I know I’m a good Dad. I work hard to be a great Dad. I just hope that there hasn’t been any real damage to my relationship with him that won’t be repaired over time. I don’t want him to think of me as his part-time father.

Bobbing for apples

William was sitting on my lap eating "worms" (spaghetti) for supper and we were watching Little Bear.  On the episode they are having a harvest party and one of the activities at the party was bobbing for apples.  William started talking about bobbing for apples and that he uses his hands. 

I wondered if maybe at some point at his Mom's he had bobbed for apples and he was speaking from experience.  I asked him when he had bobbed for apples before but he said he hadn't played but saw it in a book at preschool and the kids in the book were putting their faces in the water to try and catch apples. 

I asked him why he would use his hands and not his face and he said it was because he didn't like the shower and he doesn't like to get his face wet.  It's a strange thing when you realize your child can associate something like bobbing for apples in a cartoon to the fact that we would have to use another method because he doesn't like getting his face wet.

They really do grow up too fast. 

Bathroom break

Okay, so I just went to the bathroom to pee (yes I sound like I'm in elementary school) and as I stand at the urinal I can smell that someone just dropped a deuce.  You know, did number two.  Now, obviously this is the right place to have a bowel movement (now I sounds like I'm retired, HA!).

My immediate thought was, I better pee quick in case someone sees me coming out as they are going in and assumes it's me that just was in the smelly stall. 

Am I the only one that worrys about this?  And for the record, those that know me know I don't do that at work.  I work close enough to home that I would take a 15 minute break to run home, if I was that desperate.  If I'm not close enough to home I clench my ass cheeks all day long.

A hard choice to make... H1N1 vaccine

So you can class me into that group of people out there that do not fully believe in innoculating or medicating for everything.  I don't take headache medication unless I'm almost blind with pain.  And I have lived through a stage of migranes so bad that I even met with a neurologist who did some simple tests to check for a brain tumor (maybe I'm a little bit of a hypocondriac, but not medicated!!).

 When my son was going through his first two years of life and innoculations seemed to happen every couple of months, I voiced my opinion to my wife about the Chickenpox vaccine.  My fear about autism being diagnosed in children after receiving the chicken pox vaccine was overwhelming, but because William's doctor is my wife's doctor, his opinion prevailed, as well as the school board apparently making it mandatory for anyone entering grade primary to have it.  Do not get me started on why the school board can dictate that our children get innoculated against an infection most of my generation lived through without much more than a rash. 

And now we are faced with the pandemic known as H1N1, or the swine flu.  The propoganda on all media say that we should all be vaccinated because the waves of illness are swift and potentially fatal.  FATAL.  If that is not enough to make you wake up and stand in line for a needle at 4am then you're probably like me.  You have probably read horror stories from the 70s when this flu last made it's round and the vaccine at that time caused neurological problems in some recipients.  You have probably heard that this flu is no more fatal than the regular seasonal flu, but it's the different segment of the public that is becoming ill.  And you have probably heard that the government has agreed with the manufacturer of that vaccine that there will be no legal suits filed against the manufacturer of the vaccine for any negative effects it will cause in the public.  That last statement is probably the one that causes me the most fear.

But I also hear the stories of children, apparently in perfect health, falling ill quickly and fatally.  It is terrifying.  I emailed my ex-wife-to-be and told her to please speak with me before she ever got him vaccinated.  We emailed back and forth some news articles and then I relented and told her that I was okay with having him receive the needle.  My reasoning?  I could never live with William getting sick or dying because of my decision, even if it was because I didn't want any potential side-effects to harm him.  I basically agreed out of fear of regret.

And then I turn around and maintain the idea that the vaccine is probably unnessary and that once restrictions on who can be vaccinated are removed, I will not be someone who gets the vaccine.  Is that hypocritical or what?  I have to state that if I was William's only parent I would probably not have had the needle administered.  I would have watched him very closely for signs, and probably kept him home from school until the waves of illness were passed. 

Sidenote:  My employer is being progressive in their thinking and established an H1N1 policy.  If you or anyone in your home becomes infected you have to stay home until it is cleared, regardless of vacation or sick time remaining.  And if it's someone in your household they will try and make arrangements for you to be able to work from home.  Sign of the times?  I hope not.

I think our government has put us in a very vulnerable place.  They have played on our fears and forced us to make a choice on an issue that may have grave consequences for countless Canadians (besides the other countries around the world).  And that choice, for children under five, had to be made very quickly, or we may miss out on having them receive the needle before the supply runs out or they become sick with this potentially fatal virus.

I hope I made the right choice.  I also hope that this is the last pandemic we see, but I fear it is far from the end.  We are living in global times where there are people flying from every city everyday, that probably are hosts to diseases our systems would never have encountered even 50 years ago.  As a parent that is one of the most scary things we now face.  It, for the time being, has out-shadowed my concern for the environment.  Survival may not be claimed by rising temperatures but instead the flu.  

New job pains

One thing that has plagued me at my last job, and is now rearing its ulgy head today is being in a position for a few months, and then it occurs that one job duty was never dealt with since the new person (me) took over the job.  And not only has it not been done for a few months, but damn, people need that done yesterday.

I know I should not feel any responsibility for the oversight, but indirectly it reflects on me and makes me feel incompetent.  Pair that with my supervisor emailing a coworker and asking her to pretty much drop her day to help me and no one sitting down with me to show me the basics in order to facilitate my completing the topic.  And then the kicker, it has to be done before leaving today.  I don't know if y'all remember?  I have a son, and custody that I fought hard for, so I am not keen on picking him up late.

Needless to say, I emailed the supervisor and co-worker asking for some guidence and will be working as efficiently as possible (the reason for said email) so I can get my ass out of here at 5pm and the reports will be done, so I can be back on my regular track tomorrow.

Don't get me wrong, I like my new job, I just want to be fully trained.  I want to know all of my basic duties, have a schedule I can reference with the due dates and get into a cyclic flow.  Then when some new analysis comes up and needs to be done right away, I know what my work load is like and can adjust in other areas to meet the need.  Also, my supervisor is a great guy and is fine with me asking questions and seems to have positive feedback for me, but I just don't like not being one of the best employees that he can rely on.  Here's hoping nothing else has been overlooked.