Monday, November 16, 2009

Heart-breaking moment of the weekend

William and I had a great weekend together. We hung out and watched movies, snuggled, went shopping for his Mom’s birthday present, to his gymnastics class and even for a swim on Sunday afternoon. But there was one moment from the weekend that I can’t seem to forget.

William has a tendency to label himself and his Mom as certain characters in any show he watches. They are generally the two main characters in the show. I assume he does that because they spend a lot of time together snuggled watching tv, but I don’t know that for sure. The problem is that I asked him who I was on Toopy and Binoo, because he never labels me. And he told me Patchy-Patch (an occasional character on the show). I asked why and he said because I’m not always there.

It broke my heart a little. Okay, a lot, because here it is too days later and those words are still haunting me. I take the time to tell him that even though I am not always physically there that I want to be. That I love him and that I want to always be with him.

He didn’t say it in a mean way at all, more of an in-passing kind of way, but I think it details his thought process to some degree. I know I don’t get to spend as much quality time with William (and not for lack of fighting for that right on my part), but the time I have with him I try and make sure he feels that he is my main priority.

I guess I should try and look at it similar to those parents who have to work for extended parts of the week/month/year away from home and miss out on time with their children, but somehow it doesn’t make it much easier.

I know I’m a good Dad. I work hard to be a great Dad. I just hope that there hasn’t been any real damage to my relationship with him that won’t be repaired over time. I don’t want him to think of me as his part-time father.

3 comments: said...

It will be FINE. You are a great dad and William knows that and will continue to do so. x

Valentina said...

Hi J! I was a "silent" reader of your previous blog. I like the way you write about your life and your son. You sound like a wonderful dad and I am sure that William knows and feels that you are too.

JBrown31 said...

Thanks Ladies and Valentina, it's great to know you're reading. With blogs you never know who is coming across these things and if they read more than one post. Thanks.