Heart-breaking moment of the weekend

William and I had a great weekend together. We hung out and watched movies, snuggled, went shopping for his Mom’s birthday present, to his gymnastics class and even for a swim on Sunday afternoon. But there was one moment from the weekend that I can’t seem to forget.

William has a tendency to label himself and his Mom as certain characters in any show he watches. They are generally the two main characters in the show. I assume he does that because they spend a lot of time together snuggled watching tv, but I don’t know that for sure. The problem is that I asked him who I was on Toopy and Binoo, because he never labels me. And he told me Patchy-Patch (an occasional character on the show). I asked why and he said because I’m not always there.

It broke my heart a little. Okay, a lot, because here it is too days later and those words are still haunting me. I take the time to tell him that even though I am not always physically there that I want to be. That I love him and that I want to always be with him.

He didn’t say it in a mean way at all, more of an in-passing kind of way, but I think it details his thought process to some degree. I know I don’t get to spend as much quality time with William (and not for lack of fighting for that right on my part), but the time I have with him I try and make sure he feels that he is my main priority.

I guess I should try and look at it similar to those parents who have to work for extended parts of the week/month/year away from home and miss out on time with their children, but somehow it doesn’t make it much easier.

I know I’m a good Dad. I work hard to be a great Dad. I just hope that there hasn’t been any real damage to my relationship with him that won’t be repaired over time. I don’t want him to think of me as his part-time father.