Deadline reached?

Tomorrow may possibly be the day the divorce is final.

We have some sort of meeting where Jaime and I sit down with our lawyers and a judge, and from what I understand if everything can be worked out in this half hour then this is it.  Now it's not a meeting that we have to be present for, since our lawyers have the ability to act on our behalf, but I'm going.  Not sure if the ex will be there or not.  I didn't have the heart to ask her today, because I'm sure this day is just as hard for her.

This meeting has been weighing on my mind for weeks, but especially today.  I don't know what to expect and I fear the finality of it all.  The true end to a huge chapter of my life.  I went to hot yoga tonight to try and clear my mind but now that I'm home and alone with no one to distract me it's eating me alive.  I just hope sleep comes quickly.

In all honesty, when I proposed to Jaime in May 2002 I never ever dreamed that our relationship would ever end in divorce.  I pictured us having kids, at least one of which would be adopted.  I pictured us settling into a home that our children would bring their children home to and that we would build so many happy memories that we'd never run out of things to talk about.

But I will try and focus on the fact that possibly the nightmare will end and Jaime (and hopefully myself as well) will have some peace and find our new normal.  My heart aches.