Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Sleep Interupted

It's funny how I can outwardly be okay,  but stress can poke it's ulgy head out in strange ways.  And it's doing it again. 

When my dad passed away I lost the ability to sleep through the night.  It was strange... I went from someone who could sleep through thunder and lightning to someone who developed a strange habit of needing to use the bathroom every single night. 

And when I think about it, when I was overwhelmed in my first year of university my mind would race so badly at bedtime that I thought I was losing my mind and had convinced myself that I had a brain tumor.

Now I am essentially two years into the seperation with my wife and my sleep patterns are again interupted.  It can be tossing and turning  and then finally reaching that level of half sleep where you are aware of where your mind is drifting, but time is passing quickly enough that you swear you must have slept for a portion of the time.  Or it can be me waking up in the middle of the night in panic; looking around the bedroom for the comfort of my old life.  I can't shake it. 

I will always miss my life as a married man.  There were issues that needed to be resolved, but I miss my wife desperately.  I miss my best friend.  I know that time will heal a lot of what we have gone through but right now it's hard.  Please let tonight be a night full of peaceful sleep.

1 comment:

Jody said...

It will get better with time... as I'm sure you have been told.

I, and lots of other people love you and will always be here for you, but I understand that there is a void in your life right now that no one can really fill. But in time, it will close over :)