Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Random Email

Last night, just before I slid into bed, I decided to take one final look at my facebook to catch up on what my friends were up to during the evening.  There were the usually status updates on Dancing with the Stars, inside jokes and the occasional complaint about their kids, but what caught my attention was that I had two emails in my inbox.  Strange because I had already read a couple of emails earlier in the evening and wasn't expecting any additional responses.

Initially, I thought one of them had to be from my friend who went to Mexico, sure to tell me about how much Tequila he had consumed in a challenge set by another friend, or how much food was consumed at the buffet or possibly how one day in and his roommate for the week was already treading on thin ice.  But alas, the emails were not from him.

One email was from a friend from years ago, who moved away and based on their previous actions, I assumed was in hiding from years gone by.  I had noticed a picture of her as a suggested friend and had emailed her just to tell her I thought she looked amazing and hoped she was doing well.  The email in response was a thank you and wishing the same.  No additional dialogue, which is fine, but an email I still wasn't expecting.

But the other email was very random. It was from the male half of a couple that my wife and I had been friends with in the past.  A friend I had totally written off long before my marriage came apart at the seams, because I didn't feel that I was treated well in the relationship that we had.  I was outgoing and tried to be his friend, but got nothing in return.  I had let it bother me while it happened but wrote it off as sometimes people can just be friends on the surface, and there was nothing wrong with that.

The body of his email was about how he had heard a while ago about my seperation and that he thought of me often.  That he had heard details but was sceptical about some details and chalked a lot of things up to gossip and did not let anything reflect on me.  That he wondered how I was doing in the moving on process both for me personally and for William.  Then he went on to tell me that he was currently in the process of seperation as well and that he would love to hear any insight I might be able to provide as a father and with the whole legal process.  It was surprising.

I had heard that he had seperated and though his circumstances may be different in some ways, I think they could be similar in others.  When I run home at lunch I plan on taking some time to draft an email to him and offer any guideance that I can on how to survive his divorce without giving up too much of his childrens lives and on what to expect in the process.  How to deal with his ex's emotions that might heat up fights.  How to protect himself and how to deal with the fall out from in-laws, family and friends.  And what to look for in a lawyer if he hasn't already found one.  And my opinion stays the same on this (and my ex wife will disagree); you should seek a lawyer that wants conciliation instead of fighting every issue.  Cause a couple of years down the road, when emotions are in the past, you still want to be able to have a friendly relationship with the other parent.  You owe that to your children, if nothing else.

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